When You're Single: Where and How to Meet Someone

I know a lot of my posts focus on online dating and the reality of it is that websites and apps play a huge part in the dating scene today, and I simply try to get people to see the positive in this. For this post however, I am going to stay away from the digital world, and focus on the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people, and highlight where and how you could meet potential partners (outside of work and school because I recommend not mixing work and pleasure). And girls, please stop thinking that a guy who asks for your number in person instead of through a screen is a creep. He's actually got a lot of courage and is probably more of a gentleman than any of the other guys you're texting, and also, it wouldn't kill you to approach a guy once in a while too.

1) Coffee shops. Instead of staring at your phone in line, why don't you chat up the person in front or behind you? Instead of sitting alone, why don't you ask to share someone's table. Never know!

2) Stores. Find someone really cute? Go ask them if they know where you could find ____.Then tell them it was really an excuse to talk to them because you found them good looking and were wondering if they would want to go for coffee one day. It's a bold move nowadays, but it's guaranteed to make the person smile, and if they don't find you charming for doing that, they're too young for you bro. 

3) Gym / yoga / fitness studio. If it's important for you to be with someone who has an active and healthy lifestyle, the gym you frequent is probably the first place to start looking. I'll be writing a post about this soon, but key is to just be yourself and straight forward: ask someone out before they even have the time to think you're a creep. 

4) Church / religious institutions. Obviously don't just go to Church in the hopes of meeting someone. However, if you do already go to Church, try different ones in your area once in a while, and you may meet someone interesting. Also, what better way to end service than by having coffee with someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you! 

5) 5 à 7. Now I am not talking about the "fake" 5 à 7 on campuses where students just get completely hammered. I'm talking about the real deal events at nice restaurants and bars where professionals head to after work for a drink or two. This is the time to engage in mature conversations, and keep it classy with a 2 drink maximum.

6) Hiking/mountain/trails. Bored on a sunday afternoon? Head over to a local park and if you spot a cutie taking a water break, seize your chance! If you weren't so lucky, well at least you got some fresh air and some nice exercise out of it!

7) On the street. It may be a bit hard as most people walking in busy streets are usually in a rush. On weekends however, chances are they're just shopping, so why not approach someone while waiting to cross a street? Ask for directions, or pretend your a tourist and ask what the city has to offer. Wouldn't it be a cool story to tell your kids? ;)

8) Bars/Clubs when you're SOBER. While you're waiting in line to get in, why not chat someone up while you can actually hear what they're saying. Also, no one forces you to drink when you go out, and I think everyone would prefer to get approached by a sober person rather than an inebriated mess. 

9) Food court. Food courts around lunch time are PACKED. Especially during the week, since they are usually surrounded by offices, you have high chances of running into a cutie with a duty.

10) Dog park. Obviously a bit better if you have a dog (although a regular park where a lot of people walk their dogs would work the same). What better excuse to talk to someone than by asking to pet their dog? Also, someone having a dog already adds brownie points don't you agree ;)

When You're in a Relationship: What You Should and Shouldn't Change About Yourself

I know a lot of people stand strong by the "don't ever change for anyone" saying. Well, sometimes that can actually just bite you in the ass and ruin all your relationships. I will agree that there are certain things people shouldn't have to change about themselves, and I do hope that most people find a partner that loves them for exactly who they are. However, it is also important to remember that compromise plays a huge part in relationships, and some personality traits can be really hard to live with...and probably even unnecessary.

1) Change your bad attitude. There is a time and place to be negative and to complain, and it is NOT at every minute of everyday. Start seeing the positive and realize that not every single little thing is the end of the world; and I'm sure even you'll feel less miserable. If you still think everything is the end of the world, I suggest a trip to Sub-Saharan Africa for a big reality check.

2) Don't change your views and beliefs. You are entitled to them and if they cause issues in your relationship, maybe your partner just isn't the best fit for you.

3) Change your overreactions. Overreacting definitely causes more harm than good. Sitting down and talking calmly IN PERSON is a way better and more mature way to deal with any concerns you may have, rather than blowing up the other person's phone with 200 angry texts. Plus, I would say a good 80% of the time people overreact simply over a small misunderstanding.

4) Don't change your sensitivity. Not overreacting does not mean you shouldn't be emotional. Some people are more sensitive than others, and it is just important that you communicate clearly to your s/o what exactly it is that makes you emotional/sensitive. Guys too btw........

5) Change your single mentality/habits. Yes, friends are super important. But if you're still going out drinking "with the boys" / having "girl's night out" every weekend...it might not be the best time for you to be in a relationship...?

6) Don't change your lifestyle. If a huge part of your life is going out, socializing, and partying, then make sure your partner is the same, and that they are included in those activities. If you prefer staying in and watching movies, then make sure your partner enjoys this as well. You shouldn't have to change your lifestyle for someone, you should just make sure that your lifestyles match, and you'll both be happy.

7) Change your way of showing love. We all give and receive love in different ways. Some people need words, others need gifts, some need more affection, and who knows what else. Be attentive to your partner's reactions and body language, and figure out ASAP how they prefer to receive love. Most of the time it really won't be hard for you to adapt, and it could definitely improve your connection with your s/o.

8) Don't change the way you feel. Don't ever force yourself to feel a certain way, and don't ever ignore your feelings either, good or bad. Also, don't let others (no matter how important they are in your life) affect the way you feel about your s/o. This is YOUR relationship, your life, your heart.

9) Change your fears and insecurities. This will also do more harm than good in your relationship. Of course you can't just erase your past or start with a clean slate every time. However, you owe it to your partner to treat them as their own person, without any preconceptions. Furthermore, just stop being insecure. Confidence is not only attractive, but it is also healthy. You owe that one to yourself.

10) Don't change your quirks. We're all weird in our own ways. And I really don't see why couples shouldn't get "too comfortable" with each other. Find someone who accepts and genuinely appreciates your weird traits.

11) Change your communication style. I wouldn't say change it completely, but I would say make efforts to adapt it to your partner's. Some people are just more argumentative, while others despise even the smallest argument. Some people need to speak everything on their mind, and it may drive their s/o slightly insane, while the same may happen if one keeps all their thoughts to themselves. First, it's obviously important to communicate about these things. Second, it's just important to be mindful of how your partner reacts and interprets your ways of communicating. Third, there needs to be balance.

12) Don't change your other relationships. Friends and family are extremely important, and whatever "traditions" you have with them, keep them. Wanting to include your s/o in them can be a beautiful thing, but also wanting to keep some things the way they've always been is totally fine.

13) Change your unrealistic expectations. Chances are if you have expectations that are similar to the plots of most romance movies, you will be disappointed and unhappy, and I will not feel bad for you. Focus less on how your partner "should be" based on unrealistic expectations, and more on how they ARE, how they treat you, all the little things they do for you on a daily basis (that you probably take for granted), and especially, how even though you are not perfect, they are still right by your side.

When You're Single: Don't Date Other Students

I feel like often the issue with students is that they only date other students. Newsflash: there are tons of other great young people who did not take the uni/college-route (I speak from experience); and I find this difference in lifestyle can create a beneficial balance. Here's why:

1) When they come home, their work is DONE. Students spend a lot of time in class, and then when they come home, they need to spend even more time studying. Dating someone who isn't a student makes scheduling dates and spending time together a lot easier.

BTW this shit ^ only happens in movies.

2) They go out less. When you work a 9-5, chances are you're not hitting up Korova Mondays, Winnie's Tuesdays, McKibbins Wednesdays, and Tokyo Thursdays. My theory is the less alcohol and partying involved in a relationship, the more chances it has to be successful (and drama-free).

3) They can remain calm for you in times of stress (i.e exams). Exams happen at the same time for all students. 2/2 partners sleep deprived and super stressed out is not a good time.



4) They probably live alone. Having a full-time job and no tuition debt = being able to afford living alone. Privacy is key in building a relationship, and it's always fun to be able to f*ck anywhere, anytime. Plus, it can also give you a better idea of what living together could be like.

5) They have a better sense of responsibility. A) They have more bills to pay themselves B) They cannot afford to lose their job C) They have a certain level of maturity most students don't have and D) They are most likely more ready to commit and build a future with someone.

Spend less time doing THIS, and more time doing THAT

Sometimes it just takes a little effort, and a little switch in behaviours in order to succeed and have more positive experiences in dating and relationships. Here are some good examples:

1) Less complaining, more solutions. Hearing someone constantly complain is definitely at the top of the "most annoying list". We all know the saying "it's easier said than done", well it's also easier to complain than to be proactive. Next time, try coming up with a few solutions yourself before making your partner feel like shit.

2) Less texting, more calling. "Why did they only text me back now?" "Why do they "sound" pissed (through text...)?" "Why no smiley face or heart?" Can all be avoided by calling more often. You can't tell emotions through text, and you have much higher chances of overthinking and analyzing absolutely nothing. Plus, it's just nice to catch up on the phone for a few minutes rather than text all day about nothing interesting. Guys and girls alike, just start using that call button already!

3) Less analyzing, more asking. Unless you're some sort of scientist, there is really no reason why you need to overanalyze EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. If something is bothering you/causing anxiety/making you wonder, just ASK. I guarantee the other person will be more than glad to clear things up rather than deal with a stressed-out-amateur-relationghip-analyst-head-case.

4) Less lying to yourself, more realizing. If you find yourself often making up excuses for your partner's behaviours, it's time to stop. If you're single/dating around, then don't waste your time when the other person is clearly displaying how NOT serious they are. If you're still not sure, I strongly recommend reading my post on how to know they just playin'.

5) Less arguing, more sex. Chances are if you're "suddenly" irritated by every single little thing, an argument is brewing, and it's going to happen over something really stupid, really soon. Take that frustration, impatience, and irritation, and just release your stress ASAP in the best way possible.

6) Less stressing, more chilling. Ok so the kitchen isn't clean, or you have a lot of work to catch up on. Please explain to me how this is the end of the world? Please explain to me why this can't wait another day? Please explain to me why these things are more important than spending quality time with your s/o? Please just chill. You're adding unnecessary stress on BOTH people, and not exactly prioritizing the right things in life. The kitchen can f**cking wait ok.

7) Less work, more fun. Dear workaholics, just hear me out for a second. You're working 8+ hours a day (probably way more especially when including commute time). Assuming you sleep on average 8 hours a night,  close to 70% of your time awake is spent working, and I'm sure that percentage is much higher for a large number of people. Yes I know we all have to make ends meet, but just keep in mind time FLYES, no work can bring you the amount of happiness and love a relationship can, and I'm sure when you'll be 80 you won't be thinking back at all that time spent at the office.

8) Less fear, more taking chances. We have all gotten our hearts broken at least once. But let's stop this whole "eye for an eye" mentality with dating, shall we? Just because you got hurt, or betrayed, or cheated on, etc, IN NO WAY means that you should go ahead and treat others the same way. Treat others the way you want to be treated, always. Furthermore, do not let fear take over your love life. No one wants to hear "well I'm sort of afraid/careful now because of what my ex did to me". You are pushing others away, and closing yourself off to potentially great relationships.

9) Less spending, more getting to know yourself. No, you do not need to buy a new outfit for your first date. No, the other person will not give a shit if you have a designer watch or not. All that time you spend on SPENDING, would actually be a lot more useful if you were simply getting to know yourself a bit better, in order to really understand what/who you are looking for. What makes or breaks a first date is not your outfit, but your conversations, how you talk about yourself, the energy you give off, and overall chemistry. If you don't take the time to get to know yourself, other people won't either.

10) Last but not least: spend less time talking to different people, and more time talking to one. I mention this in my Tinder Tips post, but seriously, a huge difference today versus 15 years ago, is that there is ALWAYS something/someone else only a click away. We are BOMBARDED with information and options, and although there are a lot of advantages to that, unfortunately I believe it has created more disadvantages with regards to dating. It is a lot easier for people to cancel a date because they know that they can easily get another one with someone else the next day anyways. It is a lot easier for people who crave attention to waste other people's time just by talking to them for months. It is also a lot easier to lose focus on a person who had great potential, just because there are so many other good looking people you matched with. Now I'm not saying that you should avoid online dating if you're looking for a relationship. I am, however, saying to stop longing for attention, stop focussing on collecting useless matches, and focus on getting to know one at a time instead.

Men's Opinions Survey

Everyday is International Women's Day

Women should be celebrated and appreciated everyday, and here are some tips (in honour of IWD2016) that go way beyond just "buying her flowers":

1) Do not control her / make decisions for her

2) Support all her goals and dreams

3) Do not get intimidated if she is successful

4) Do not treat her like a sexual object

5) Do stuff around the house "she usually does"

6) Be attentive to all her needs (emotional and sexual too)

7) Celebrate occasions not by buying things, but by planning a special day together

8) Never take what she says for granted

9) Never expect her to act or be a certain way

10) Appreciate the little things she does as much as the big things

When You're Single: How To Know They Just Playin'

I still don't get how some people still so blatantly display these signs....and yet people continue to fall for their BS... men and women alike - "side guy" is definitely a real thing.
Listen.
If this is happening, I GUARANTEE the person is not looking for a relationship, nor will they in a few months, so stop telling yourself that excuse and find someone a little bit older (mentally).

1) They are always either "too busy" or "have plans with friends" when you try planning a date

2) Their idea of a first date is Netflix and Chill

3) You just know they're talking to 2938473928 other people at the same time.

4) They NEVER reply right away.

5) Forget about a phone call....what is that call button for anyways?

6) They go out without inviting you.

7) They tell you they're "just looking to have fun".

8) Their favorite time to text you is at 10pm...or later.

9) The place you spend the most time together is a bedroom.

10) You define the relationship as "seeing each other"

How to Properly Deal with a Breakup

Breakups are far from easy, especially when you were fully committed and envisioned a future together. And no, "getting over someone by getting under someone else" is not the best advice. Here are some actual useful tips:

1) Cry it out. We all feel emotions, and it's important to let them out.

2) Get ready for a long ride on the "Emotional Roller Coaster Express". You'll feel sad, you'll feel angry, you'll feel stupid, you'll feel frustrated, and then you'll feel better...and... repeat. Your emotions will come and go in a wave of having moments when you feel better, and having moments when you feel horrible, and it is only normal that this lasts a good solid 1-2 weeks.

3) Take time to stay alone, and take time to see friends and family. You need time alone to reflect, feel the emotions, think, and most importantly, rest. Talk to your loved ones when you're ready, and do it in person.

4) Stay away from social media. Just turn your phone off, you don't need to deal with messages asking what happened, nor do you need to already start lurking your ex.

5) Do NOT go out. You will not have fun, drinking is not going to help you in any way, and there is a high chance that you will regret sending those drunk texts.

6) Do not ask to get back together. Yes, you are already missing them. Yes, you are going to think about "trying again". To be honest, I believe getting back together never works in the long run. The damage is done, and it scars BIG TIME. I say: if someone can leave you, they don't truly love you.

7) Take a break from the dating scene. Don't add tinder the next day, you're just going to waste your time, and other people's. And no, hooking up with a stranger is not going to make you feel better.

8) Health first. Wanna know what will ACTUALLY make you feel better? Hitting the gym. You may think chocolate in bed sounds more appealing, but think again. Exercise releases endorphins, and it's a great way to refresh your mind.

9) Avoid contact and delete/unfollow. I won't get too much into this because it definitely deserves a post on its own, but ex's can't be friends, end of story.

10) Don't think you wasted your time. This is a tough one, and I know most people can't help but to feel this way. Just remember you have gone through an experience that can allow you to learn A LOT about yourself, and your behaviours in a relationships. You cannot learn this stuff in any other way than living it, and even the bad experiences are worth your time, because without them, you will not be able to value the good ones.

11) Learn from it. While it's still fresh in your mind, try to understand your relationship from a sort of bird's-eye perspective. What personality traits didn't match? What may have caused unhappiness in both people? Were there signs/red flags? What were the main causes of arguments? How did you communicate? Try to be objective, and most importantly, use your what you've learned.

12) Try again. And maybe again, and again, and again. It may take some longer than others, but true love does exist, and if you want it, you will have it.

10 Dating Trends that are Complete BS

If you're above the age of 18, and consider yourself mature, stop this shit now:

1) Thinking that because you're young, you should not commit/get serious.

2) Thinking that because you're in a relationship, you won't be able to "work on yourself".

3) Thinking that because you have had bad experiences with ex's, you should either be a player or never trust a partner again.

4) Thinking that you should not get attached/fall in love.

5) Thinking that you should not clearly express your feelings (especially in early stages of a relationship).

6) Thinking that you have to take things slow. (Go at whatever pace you want and feel in your heart is best, seriously)

7) Thinking that you look clingy/creepy if you talk a lot and want to spend a lot of time together (this is actually a good thing ps)

8) Thinking that you have to play hard to get. (If the other person is mature, they will just get fed up with your BS and move on, and I would 100% advise them to do so.)

9) Always "wanting what you can't have"..........................

10) Thinking that if you love the person, you should ignore your gut feelings, like these ones for example.

Just grow up people. These trends do not make you look "cool" in anyway, nor do they make you look like a mature, intelligent human being. Stop thinking these ways, you will have a much more successful, and most importantly, HAPPY love life if you listen and FOLLOW your heart, no matter what your age or gender.